Astrid & Her Amazing “Five out of Seven”-Adventure

Astrid had not been on any big amazing adventures for a while, so in September 2009, she decided to take some extreme measures and to go backpacking from Cairo (Egypt) to Amman (Jordan).

I don’t know whether you are familiar with the game Frogger and it’s first level, but crossing the street in Cairo felt just like it (without the three lives):



Luckily, frog Astrid survived all trips to the other side, so she could venture on to see the Great Pyramids of Giza (Astrid is on a mission to see all the seven world wonders and this was the fourth one on her list!).

After seeing the Great Pyramids in Giza, Astrid travelled on through the dessssssssert. She even made it her home, because she could handle no more hotels with cockroaches.



She had breakfast with the Bedouins and climbed mountains in the early mornings, because why would you stay in bed when the sun is out and there is so much excitement to be had?

In the evenings, Astrid danced on commands of the Bedouins. Although she is, until today, still unsure whether “Yalla! Yalla!” means “Dance! Dance!” or “Faster! Faster,” but Astrid danced as if her life depended on it and after slept surrounded by millions of stars.



She easily got used to making a toilet out of big rocks and not caring whether people could see her bum or not as it is not hairy or anything like that at all and when being on public spaces now and then and no toilet near, she was often tempted to just quickly find a space of her own once more.

In Petra (world wonder five on Astrid’s list!), Astrid felt like Indy running all over the place and making millions of discoveries with her eye:



Crazy stuff!!! Within the heat, Astrid and a few new friends also searched for treasures and .. even found them!!! Yes, broken necklaces were found on several locations. They were repaired carefully and would later be handed to friends back home as valuable souvenirs.



While Astrid had no-food related-issues on her travels and loved the falafels with all her heart, the diarrhea hit her hard when she came back home, so she told her housemates to make an extra effort in supplying a few extra rolls with soft layers.

Astrid is still wondering whether this would have been the revenge of the Egyptian gods for fooling her friends with fake hidden treasures from Petra? What do you think?

Astrid & Her Amazing “Whatever Happened to Amazing Astrid”-Adventure

Have you ever wondered what happened to Amazing Astrid? Is she still out there? Does she sometimes still go back to Albert Heijn? Will she ever again stop people in the street to blow bubbles for her? And how are Outer Space Owen, Frivolous Fran, Restless Richard, and Terrifying Tom? Are they still alive and kicking?



Well, everyone grows up in the real world, even little Amazing Astrids! Yes, believe it or not. Astrid quit her job at LEGO and obtained a job where she improves the lives of factory-workers!!! However, this is not a matter of waving your magic wand. It means travelling and meeting lots of new people (and getting paid for it!).

Astrid once had to assess a factory with a Russian princess. To save on company expenses, Astrid and the Russian princess had to share a room the night before the assessment. However, the princess, whom Astrid had never met before, did not show up at the confirmed time at the hotel the night before the assessment. Thus, when it was midnight, Astrid decided to put her pyjamas on, take her contacts out, and do some light sleeping. Deep in the night, the Russian princess knocked on the hotel-room-door and Astrid did her best to make a bedazzling appearance in her pyjamas and with no vision; it worked and both the princess and Astrid slept for three full hours.



In return for a little sleep-deprivation, Astrid goes on trips to LA and Hong Kong. Well, Hong Kong is still on the list, according to her boss, Astrid first has to learn to eat with chop-sticks, but LA was there. With a little emergency-landing in Newfoundland, Astrid arrived in LA. During the week, Astrid stayed in a hotel to work around the clock, but in the weekends, Astrid only lay on the sand and jumped in the waves of the galore of beautiful beaches. She was introduced to all these new games, such as Apples to Apples:

“Apples to Apples will enliven Family Gatherings” Apples to Apples is the game in which players must choose nouns to fit a particular adjective, with unpredictable and sometimes hilarious results.



Amazing Astrid did not win the game, but got hooked to talking to the most interesting people instead, Marty, the actor from Australia, Torin and Steve, both in the dental- care industry, Rusty, the entrepreneur, Jeff who likes to do his conference calls on the volleyball-court, and Mary Jane the Schoolteacher, and many many many more.

It is the lack of time which stops Astrid from writing; NOT the lack of adventure!

Until soon!

Miles of smiles,

-Astrid.

Amazing Astrid & Her Amazing Friend - Adventure

Amazing Astrid has a friend. She doesn’t just have one friend; she has many! One of Amazing Astrid’s friends, however, gets a golden star for his role as a tour-guide; Amazing Astrid could go on amazing adventures with him every day!!!



Astrid and the tour-guide spend an amazing day in England’s capital London for only 8 British Pounds. One British Pound was spend on the bus to London, another British Pound was spend on the bus from London, another British Pound was spend on a bun to eat and to feed to the squirrels, and a big number of five British Pound was spend on an evening dinner.



The day started off at Krispy Kreme Doughnuts in Slough, Berkshire, England. This day took place in the Obama-era and if you, as a customer, surprised the donut-maker with the slogan “Yes, we can,” you received a big glazed doughnut for free. Yum! So good; you wish they did not have a hole in them!!! Being lost in the delicious taste, Amazing Astrid and the tour-guide had to run for the bus to London. Luckily, they managed to catch the bus just in time and took a seat on the second floor of the double-decker.

Once in London it was a big tour around the city and lots of visits to free musea.



* Astrid also saw Big Ben and Little Ben.
Little Ben is a cast iron miniature clock tower, situated at the intersection of Vauxhall Bridge Road and Victoria Street, in Westminster, central London, close to the approach to Victoria station. In design it mimics the clock tower commonly (though incorrectly) known as Big Ben of the Palace of Westminster found at the other end of Victoria Street.



* Astrid saw a crocodile, only slightly chained up.



* Astrid saw the real Peter Pan.
The statue was erected in secret during the night and 'magically' appeared on 1st May 1912. There was no publicity before the statue's arrival and on the day, Barrie placed this announcement in The Times: "There is a surprise in store for the children who go to Kensington Gardens to feed the ducks in the Serpentine this morning. Down by the little bay on the south-western side of the tail of the Serpentine they will find a May-day gift by Mr J.M. Barrie, a figure of Peter Pan blowing his pipe on the stump of a tree, with fairies and mice and squirrels all around. It is the work of Sir George Frampton, and the bronze figure of the boy who would never grow up is delightfully conceived.



* Astrid had her photo taken with a “laughing cavalier.”
In reality he is not laughing at all though. He is smiling in a rather self-satisfied, provocative and disdainful way. One itches to wipe that smile away. Yet it is irresistible, almost infectious. We occasionally meet people we don't like and with whom we have little in common, and yet are charmed by their smile, by how they present themselves to the world. The Cavalier is one of them.



* Astrid had dinner at a restaurant and had the restaurant pay for the most expensive meal.
“The 2 for 1 deal at pizza express now allows you to get the most expensive meal free, so for example, you could get a £15 main course and a £5 margarita pizza and just pay a fiver!”

It was a good day and it was unfortunate that it exhausted Amazing Astrid so much that she had to take a cab home for seven British Pounds!!!

Amazing Astrid is back!!!

Amazing Astrid is back and ready to tell you all the tales you have been missing out of since March the 16th 2008. Are you ready for it?

Astrid & Her Amazing "Where Your Fettish Fantasies Come Alive" - Adventure

If you go to the website GOOGLE and look for Amazing Astrid, the first hit goes to AMAZINGASTRID.com- where your fetish fantasies come alive!! However, in the old days when everyone still wore togas, one used to arrive on this page.



Obviously, Astrid is to blame for losing her crown. She hasn’t made any reports about her life for the last couple of months. While running around on the streets, she was hit by a car, but no, she did not fell into a deep coma and cannot blame it on this cause.



Astrid hasn’t been writing, because Astrid moved house. Yes, she said goodbye to all the good characters, such as Terrifying Tom, Outer Space Owen, Restless Richard, and Frivolous Fran and now lives up the Hill on Hill Street with only a limited connection to the Internet.



Life is different here. We take baths instead of showers. Empty bottles no longer go in the bin, but they go into the red recycling-box. Telephone-calls to foreign countries are made for free and Astrid saves thirty minutes to get ready for work in the morning.



Astrid has also been introduced here to a new and exciting game called “Pub Golf.” The rules are simple, but they are often ignored after only a few holes.



At the start one receives a list of pubs one has to pay visit. At each pub one has to drink a drink that is listed for this pub. Then one has to down this drink in less attempts than listed to get points. The fastest drinker or the one with the most points can consider themselves a winner. The whole game is done while being in dressed in golf-attire.



More entertainment news will come up later this year when Astrid is taking Cat Leggy Liam to an art-exhibit in London!!

Astrid & Her Amazing "How many cars are there in Cardiff and which colours are they?"- Adventure

Astrid simply loves pancakes and for this reason decided to throw an authentic Dutch pancake party in England.



The entrance-fee was an egg per person. Some people brought an extra egg, hoping that this would earn them a bonus stack of pancakes to take home!



Everyone baked and ate and played with their food like any twenty-something would do. The result was that the winner of the pancake-eating-competition even refused to have his grand-prize: A Chocolate Santa Clause. Despite of the fact that chocolate is the most popular item to eat over the Christmas-period.





Astrid had her Christmas-chocolate-pudding with chocolate-sauce and vanilla-ice-cream in Cardiff, Wales where she celebrated Yuletide with her Welsh-speaking Texan friends. Astrid thought it was fabulous due to a large variety of reasons:



1.) She got to take the bus from London (England) to Cardiff (Wales) and so got away with legally sleeping 3,5 hours extra during day-time.
2.) With no other major wine-drinking-fans in the household, Astrid could drink all she wanted as long as there was a bottle left.



3.) There were pancakes on Christmas-morning with butter, fresh fruits, and maple syrup!
4.) Astrid got to watch hilarious Christmas-movies recorded in the 80s, but taking place in the 50s.



5.) Astrid was allowed to sleep underneath the Christmas-tree with presents all around her on an inflatable mattress which inflated itself for more than 6 hours a night.
6.) Santa Clause spoiled Astrid with lots of presents too, including every single flavour jelly-bean: lemon, green apple, sizzling cinnamon, peach, lemon lime, chocolate pudding, bubble gum, raspberry, coconut, strawberry daiquiri, very cherry, buttered popcorn, blueberry, toasted marshmallow, Dr. Pepper, strawberry cheesecake, tangerine, licorice, watermelon, plum, juicy pear, strawberry jam, A&W cream soda, cotton candy, and A&W rootbeer.



7.) Astrid got to laugh, talk, eat, drink, read, watch Dr. Who and James Bond on the telly, visit the oldest pub in Wales, wander over a graveyard, play monopoly in Welsh, and and and got to take another bus home to do some more of that extra sleeping! Zzzzz…





Merry X-Mas everyone and a Happy New Year!!!

Astrid & Her Amazing “You Crack me Up”- Adventure

From the day Astrid was born, Astrid has been smiling. To be honest, Astrid’s smile might have been the main-ingredient of all her adventures. Without her trade-mark smile half of Astrid’s adventures would have probably never taken place. However, a smile does not work well on it’s own; it works best when it is shared. So here are the tales of things that made Astrid smile just recently.



One day Astrid was at her number one train-station travelling on an escalator when she noticed that the person in front of her was not transporting a child in his buggy but a big suit-case instead, so Astrid confronted the fellow and said: “I must say, you have a child of extraordinary beauty,” to which the fellow replied that yes, he was very blessed, since he had another one of these beauties at home exactly alike!



Then Astrid and her friend went to see a modern art exhibit and were looking at this tremendous crack in the floor. Everyone around them was just looking at the crack with full admiration and were flashing away with their cameras. Astrid and her friend had no idea what everyone was on about, but loved to play along and started to pretend it was something big too.



In the end, the crack turned out to be something symbolic about racism and the post-colonial past and Astrid and her friend actually became quite intrigued, but then couldn’t stop laughing when reading something about the crack in the papers a few days later:



“A crack in the floor that forms an art installation in the Tate Modern [London] has caused 15 injuries in seven weeks.”

“We must ban it. Simple as. If it injures 15 people then it must be the fault of the artwork, and not in any way a case of evolution in action. Only then will we eliminate risk entirely.”



Then there are so many people making Astrid laugh continuously! People who dry their chest-hair with hair- dryers or guys who throw in shoe-sizes of the continent in a conversation when girls discuss UK-dress-sizes:



Girl 1 (not Astrid): “A size 20? Does that even exist?”
Girl 2 (not Astrid):“I am a size 10.”
Guy 1 (not Astrid): “I am a size 45.”



And Astrid is pleased to say that the smileage is not over. It will only get better by time!

Astrid & Her Amazing “Piggy Bank”–Adventure

Generous Astrid is nowadays a little bit greedy, because generous Astrid is collecting pennies for a great purpose:



Generous Astrid wants to go on a world-tour with the majority of stops taking place on the Southern Hemisphere.



Everywhere she goes, she tries to collect phrases which might be useful on her journey and so when she yesterday was in a Japanese restaurant she seized her opportunity and asked one of the waiters when she left what goodbye would be in Japanese. The waiter then argued, he did not know since he was Chinese. Astrid fears she is now no longer brave enough to pose this question to strangers unless they have their nationality written on their chest.



On Astrid’s refrigerator, Astrid finds awkward English phrases and is not sure how, when, and why to use these during her travels:



· Go date pretty easy people
· Sleep another night in this bed; girl you are spilling alcohol from your head
· Pour me a melon
· Use him only in the kitchen
· Wienie fart festoon
· I watch repulsively obnoxious wild monkey-sex
· She ate his love cheese
· Punch the sloppy party-guest



However, she wilfully takes on the challenge. Due to the cost of using wireless Internet-connections, Astrid will now sign off here, but don’t forget to purchase your tickets for Astrid’s World Tour in advance. Be quick; before they are gone!!!

Astrid & Her Amazing “Class of 2007” – Adventure

One of Astrid’s friends is a school-teacher. All day long she teaches and teaches. However, sometimes she takes all her kids away from the class-room and takes them on a trip to see… Amazing Astrid.



Yes, her whole class hops aboard on a bus in Holland, then they drive all the way to France, and then, then they take a boat to England where Astrid currently lives.



The students, this time, got to meet Astrid at the nearly too friendly Mr. Big Ben whose hands were going around and around at rapid pace. A walk was then made along the River Thames. It was windy and Astrid and the class were being chased by Storm-troopers and weird colourful creatures on bicycles, but no one got their pants wet and they all managed to survive.



Dutchies are passionate about football, so a little stop was then made at the Chelsea Stadium where currently no Dutch people play since yellow cheese is hard to get in the area, but who are sponsored by the world-famous Dutch beer, Heineken beer. And Astrid checked, yes, the ball is round even here.



Now with the school-class gone, life is still not bad for Astrid. The other day, she came home to find a big plant right in front of her front-door. How odd did Astrid think? There was no way for Astrid to get into the house unless she would remove the plant. So Astrid did move the plant, because not only did she want to get into the house, she also desperately needed to go to the loo. Then Astrid discovered that it had been the postman who had been doing the gardening-work and he had left a box of chocolates for Astrid. Imagine if the plant with the heavy (!) pot would not have been there, someone would have stolen the chocolates (this product contains nuts, milk, wheat gluten, soya, egg and alcohol) for sure!!!




Quote of the day:

"If you are wearing bright colours, you may be mistaken for a flower. If this happens don't try to pick up a butterfly, just genly push it away."

Astrid & Her Amazing “Freshness Factor Five Thousand”–Adventure

Astrid is still loving it! Astrid still loves living in the UK. Why? Because Astrid thinks it is just a silly nation with weird habits and… weird people! No need to say “thanks,” Astrid’s British friends, Astrid loves handing out compliments!!!



So what do people eat for diner here or so-to-say for “tea” (yes, let’s make life confusing by making tea edible as well!)? Well, there is baked beans on toast and there is spaghetti on toast! Yes, it all goes, but only on toast! However, while one can get away with baked beans on toast topped by melted cheese for diner, eating anything with any kind of cheese for breakfast is a total NO here! Yes, let’s be harsh on the Dutch. Hours later, after going out clubbing, it is toast once more (and cups of tea with more than a spoon of milk!). It is truly incredible!



Getting a hair-cut is great too! Astrid can walk into any saloon looking totally Dutch: blonde hair, freckles on her face, chewing on cheese, wearing clogs, but once she comes out of the saloon, she is English. Her hair is no longer wild and out of control, but as flat as a perfectly-ironed shirt, and Astrid acts and feels like a lady all of a sudden too queue-ing for the bus and taking a cab home fearing her hair might say *poof* again!



Hair-dresser to Astrid: “How do you dry your hair? Do you blow-dry it or straighten it?”
Astrid: “Umz .. the wind dries it ?”

*Beep*



Hair-dresser to Astrid: “And how do you part your hair? In the middle? To the left or to the right?”
Astrid: “Umz .. can I have a geography-question ?”

The questions in the UK are actually the best.



Astrid is on the train, waiting for the doors to open, when a guy taps her on the shoulder and says: “Are you a biker too?” What does one say to that? Yes, my bike has two locks one for the front wheel and one for the back wheel and my tyres are full of air? And when one goes out dancing with a bunch of mates, people come up to Astrid and say “Are you having fun?” Yes, yes, if there was no fun to be had, Astrid would not be there, right?



No day goes by without a smile for Astrid.